Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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