i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
