He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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