@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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