The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
