Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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