Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
And my parents said I crawled through the house
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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