so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
