the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
