dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
