The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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