I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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