Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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