he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I would fuck him just for his dog
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