So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
