9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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