He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
