jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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