He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
