i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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