i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i've created a new STD.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
