We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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