You're my little dorito
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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