she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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