he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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