Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
