Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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