Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
