taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
