It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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