just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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