i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
