fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
its liver damage thursday
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
