So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Randomize
