His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
