my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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