I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
