Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
