I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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