I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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