Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I love having hate sex.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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