Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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