It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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