Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
