my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Randomize
