I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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