At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
They took my balls.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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