What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
