I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Don't make out with my wife yet
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
