I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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