I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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