So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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