Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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