Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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