I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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