I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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