glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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