TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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