The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
