everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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