You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
