Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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