look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
