I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My balls are so social today.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
