It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize