She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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