jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
