i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
