found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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