im about as happy as oj after his trial
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
