im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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