Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
