Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
