If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
