Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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