drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
