dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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