At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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