We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize