Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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