The maid of honor just puked.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
They are going to name an STD after you.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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