if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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