I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
