i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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