I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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