Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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