Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
