Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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