I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
