i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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