dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I can't turn off my feet"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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